[01:14] This New Year is full of possibilities, growth, and renewal. Your parenting is perhaps one of those things that could use a little bit of a reboot. So today I'm going to talk about the 3D Parenting Reset, five steps that can really make an incredible difference for your family and for the way that you parent. 

[01:35] The first step in the 5-step 3D Parent Reset is to take a one-week punishment detox. I want you to stop all the threats, all of the punishments, all of those bribes and rewards. This includes all timeouts and warnings. All of that is keeping your parenting stuck and not where you ideally want to go.

[02:45] Now, I’m not saying to let your kids get away with murder. This detox is temporary, and there is still a place for natural consequences. An example of a natural consequence would be if your kids are fighting and you tell them they need to go do their own thing for a while. That is different from lashing back with a punishment. This will be uncomfortable, and there will be times when you don’t know what to do. When in doubt, don’t react. For this detox week, it’s better to do nothing. This may sound crazy but experiment with it. This is a very important step to reboot your parenting.

[05:23] At the same time you’re taking this punishment detox, take one week to up your connection game with your children. Set aside a time, ideally around the same time each day, for a special bonding activity with your children. This special time isn’t something that’s used as a reward; it should happen regardless of behaviors. You should connect before you direct.  During this one-week challenge, before you ask your child to do something, connect with them, interact with them, and come into their world in a friendly way. This will really make a big difference.

[07:38] Another thing to do this week is start something new that could be a point of connection. Some ideas would be adding another connecting moment around food during your day. In many European countries, there is a tradition around afternoon tea. In these countries, no matter how busy the day is, everything stops when it’s time for this tea. See if you can incorporate something like this into your family routine. 

[09:28] At the end of this first week, take a pause and reflect on your family dynamic. Ask yourself if there are more or fewer behavioral problems? Are things beginning to flow better? Do your relationships with your children feel stronger? You just might be surprised at where you are as a family, and that might encourage you to do more of this, not just for a week.

[10:40] Step three is to talk less and listen way more. Stop lecturing your children. See if you can say what you need to say in one sentence. Instead of lecturing, try to turn the dialogue back toward your child. For example, if your child asks why you decided to do something, you can ask them, “Well why do you think this happened?” If your child opens up to share about a problem, just listen and reflect. Do not go into fix-it mode. Do not offer suggestions. Just listen. This is about connecting, about your child revealing a part of themself to you. That is a gift. Treat it as such. 

[14:12] The fourth step is to craft a family mission statement. Doing this connects you around core values and your vision for how you want to act as a family. It can get you back on track and help you be more intentional. There is a great resource on how to write a family mission statement from lovetoknow.com. Here are the steps they outline:

1. Set up a time to meet with everyone within the household.
2. Discuss why you'd like to create a family mission statement.
3. Ask each other to note one value or trait that you believe is important to include in the mission statement.
4. Write down recurring themes and values.
5. Come up with a list of family values that includes each person's opinion.
6. Create your mission statement.

I encourage you to have fun with this, and when you’re done, consider printing and framing it. 

[18:33] The fifth step is to insert more joy into your family. This is so important for cultivating a sense of belonging and wellbeing for each family member. You don’t have to go overboard with it, but I encourage you to plan one joyful activity each week. Here are some ideas for you:

1. Plan a themed day like “break the rules day” or “jump on the furniture day”
2. Plan and cook a meal together as a family
3. Play music together
4. Try a new game
5. Embrace “hygge” or cozy time

These are some very simple and easy ways you can create more joy. Take turns planning what activities you’ll do, and just have fun with it.

[21:27] Remember these five ideas are just the beginning of revolutionizing your parenting and family dynamic. But this is a way to commit to something to try to create the start of a revolution your family might need to move in the direction you want to go.