[00:09] Recently, I’ve been getting questions and emails from friends of mine who have kids about the same age as my older kids, from the ages of 13 and 16. They’ve been wanting to learn more about what I’ve gained knowledge on when it comes to parenting teens and tweens. So I thought I’d dedicate an episode today around how to navigate the teen tween parenting transition.

[01:31] The key tip I want to start with is that you don’t have to join your teen or tween on their roller coaster ride of messy chaos. This is their ride, and you have no business in the metaphorical driver’s seat. You are here now to spectate, support, and provide gentle or not so gentle guidance when needed.

[02:14] Tip one, make the shift. Make the shift out of following the leader mode and into this coaching mode. This was challenging for me at first, I got very confident in my role as the nurturing alpha. When my older children started to enter this period of adolescence it was uncomfortable at first. 

[04:09] Tip two, recognize the inherent challenges that come along with adolescence. What I mean by this is that what’s going on in your child’s brain during adolescence is almost like a home renovation. Because of that, children’s emotions and ability to self-regulate their emotions becomes less reliable at times. This is to be expected, as a parent, you should have more empathy and recognize that your child may not be in full control of emotions all the time.

[07:26] Tip three, watch your words. Be careful not to be expressing only disappointment in your adolescent. Drop more attention to accomplishments, even if it’s small. For example, if your kid’s room is always messy but they remember to bring their laundry to the laundry room to start a new load, recognize it! Don’t focus on all the things they aren’t doing, rather, focus on the progress they’re making. 

[11:45] Tip four, empower instead of enable. This is a big part of this topic I’m discussing today, you want to look at your child and all the things they’re capable of, and empower them to do more. Empower them and provide tools so they can take things to the next level. Look at your child with new eyes and admire how they’re emerging and revealing themselves to you. 

[17:10] Tip five, let your teenager or tween be a dreamer. Idealism is a huge aspect of this stage of development. This stage of life is blossoming with ideas and opportunities. Your child probably has a lot of idealism built-in due to this, let it be. You may see the flaws in the way your child views the world right now, but don’t constantly call your child out on their unrealistic views. 

[19:26] Tip six, give your adolescent some space. Something clicks when they’re between the ages of 11 and 13 where your child will want to sleep in later than usual on the weekends. You will suddenly see your child do this if they’re not already a morning sleeper. It's a switch that goes off overnight. I saw this with both of my kids. You will also see your child in their waking hours be retreating more often to their own space. 

[22:54] Tip seven, this is probably the one I’d say is most important. Avoid the temptation to withhold your relationship from your child in the face of adolescence immaturity. When they’re being immature, sometimes we have the temptation to match that energy. When you are faced with your teen’s harsh words or attitude, we want to distance ourselves and not be around our teen. Instead, I encourage you to be generous with your caretaking right now and to do so without the expectation that there will be a gracious reception for your efforts.