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My goal is to provide you with tools that help inform, empower and boost your confidence as a parent so you can make the best decisions possible for you and your family.  Parenting is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. I am here to guide you through the 3D Parent approach to parenting, so you can stop struggling and start celebrating all of the time you have with your children.

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Navigationg The Teen: Tween Parenting Transition

May 19, 2021

“Parents, your job is not done yet. Your role has changed but it’s not done.”

 

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I’m going to share my insight and top tips with you on how you can navigate the tween:teen transition within your child. This is a period of time where many parents can find themselves uncertain or unclear on how to approach the shifts happening in their children’s behavior. I want to share my top seven tips that I found useful as I was navigating this transition with my own children.

 

We will go over topics such as: 

  • My top seven tips to navigate the tween:teen parenting transition.
  • The importance of space and understanding as your child expresses new behaviors and ways of communicating.
  • How you can empower your child rather than enable.

 

Navigating the tween:teen parenting transition is far from easy. I know when I experienced this phase within my two children, I found myself quite uncomfortable at first. Know that it’s normal and you will get through this transition. Parents, remember, your job is not done yet. Your role may have changed, but your job is far from over.

 


 

Things You Will Learn

[00:09] Recently, I’ve been getting questions and emails from friends of mine who have kids about the same age as my older kids, from the ages of 13 and 16. They’ve been wanting to learn more about what I’ve gained knowledge on when it comes to parenting teens and tweens. So I thought I’d dedicate an episode today around how to navigate the teen tween parenting transition.

[01:31] The key tip I want to start with is that you don’t have to join your teen or tween on their roller coaster ride of messy chaos. This is their ride, and you have no business in the metaphorical driver’s seat. You are here now to spectate, support, and provide gentle or not so gentle guidance when needed.

[02:14] Tip one, make the shift. Make the shift out of following the leader mode and into this coaching mode. This was challenging for me at first, I got very confident in my role as the nurturing alpha. When my older children started to enter this period of adolescence it was uncomfortable at first. 

[04:09] Tip two, recognize the inherent challenges that come along with adolescence. What I mean by this is that what’s going on in your child’s brain during adolescence is almost like a home renovation. Because of that, children’s emotions and ability to self-regulate their emotions becomes less reliable at times. This is to be expected, as a parent, you should have more empathy and recognize that your child may not be in full control of emotions all the time.

[07:26] Tip three, watch your words. Be careful not to be expressing only disappointment in your adolescent. Drop more attention to accomplishments, even if it’s small. For example, if your kid’s room is always messy but they remember to bring their laundry to the laundry room to start a new load, recognize it! Don’t focus on all the things they aren’t doing, rather, focus on the progress they’re making. 

[11:45] Tip four, empower instead of enable. This is a big part of this topic I’m discussing today, you want to look at your child and all the things they’re capable of, and empower them to do more. Empower them and provide tools so they can take things to the next level. Look at your child with new eyes and admire how they’re emerging and revealing themselves to you. 

[17:10] Tip five, let your teenager or tween be a dreamer. Idealism is a huge aspect of this stage of development. This stage of life is blossoming with ideas and opportunities. Your child probably has a lot of idealism built-in due to this, let it be. You may see the flaws in the way your child views the world right now, but don’t constantly call your child out on their unrealistic views. 

[19:26] Tip six, give your adolescent some space. Something clicks when they’re between the ages of 11 and 13 where your child will want to sleep in later than usual on the weekends. You will suddenly see your child do this if they’re not already a morning sleeper. It's a switch that goes off overnight. I saw this with both of my kids. You will also see your child in their waking hours be retreating more often to their own space. 

[22:54] Tip seven, this is probably the one I’d say is most important. Avoid the temptation to withhold your relationship from your child in the face of adolescence immaturity. When they’re being immature, sometimes we have the temptation to match that energy. When you are faced with your teen’s harsh words or attitude, we want to distance ourselves and not be around our teen. Instead, I encourage you to be generous with your caretaking right now and to do so without the expectation that there will be a gracious reception for your efforts.

 

  


 

Episode Resources

Growing Pains: Five Things Teens Need From Parents 

Quotes From Episode 54

“It’s a tough period of parenting, no question, if not one of the toughest.”

“Parents, your job is not done yet. Your role has changed but it’s not done.”

“Sometimes they long for your nurturing and for you to take the lead. Other times, they crave independence and liberation.”

“Talk less and listen more. A lot of adolescents become human beings with less words, they don’t talk as much.”

“Normalize feelings of sadness and loneliness. Many teens start to worry that something is wrong with them.”

“Resist the temptation to try and always control or shape your adolescent. They are who they are now.”

“Listen to your child and accept that they will have some unrealistic ideas. That’s okay, let your child be a dreamer right now.”

 


 

Let's work together! I provide 1:1 support for parents motivated to make positive changing in their parenting and gain confidence and increase fulfillment in their role as parents. If this sounds like it might be what you've been looking for, book a free consultation today.

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About Your Host

I’m Beaven Walters, your host and guide on this crazy and fulfilling journey as a parent.

As a certified parent coach, parent educator and mom of 4 children, I am passionate about helping parents navigate the tough stuff while maintaining dignity, direction and deep connection in your family relationships.  I have spent over 10 years teaching in a variety of educational settings with multiple age groups, and now I am delighted to bring those experiences to you at home. Throughout this podcast, we will cover topics such as tantrums, sibling conflict, screen time overload and transitioning into the teenage years.

My goal is to provide you with tools that help inform, empower and boost your confidence as a parent so you can make the best decisions possible for you and your family.  Parenting is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I am here to guide you through the 3D Parent approach to parenting, so you can stop struggling and start celebrating all of the time you have with your children.