Encouraging Motivation With Kids
May 18, 2021
“If you're trying to force motivation by nagging them, threatening them with punishments or giving them bribes to try and get them to be motivated, you're not actually helping them develop this intrinsic self-motivation, which is really key here.”
This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, we are going to talk about cultivating intrinsic motivation in your children to accomplish a task. I want you to keep in mind, this is different than nagging them, or threatening them to take something away or bribing them. This is helping them learn to motivate themselves to accomplish necessary tasks or goals.
Throughout the podcast, I will provide you with some direction on how to help guide them to their own motivation. We’ll walk through helping them find interests and passions, and then setting goals that may involve those interests and passions. We will also talk about helping them find motivation for things they may not want to do, like chores.
Things You Will Learn
[0:43] We cannot force our children to develop internal drive and motivation. What we can do is help our children develop interests drives and passions to support the development of motivation.
[1:12] The first tip I have is to be aware of overscheduling your child. They can become so scheduled they don’t have time to develop interests and passions. So creating free time and screen free time is really important.
[2:48] Essentially, you want to create time for your child to get bored. This is going to be uncomfortable and frustrating for them. I encourage you to not jump in right away, but give them the opportunity to come up with something to entertain themself.
[6:10] Other ways to inspire motivation is to become more tolerant of noise and mess. Why? Because this is evidence of creation. This is what we want.
[7:13] It may be helpful to introduce open ended creative material. This might look like a craft station or blocks.
[9:40] How can you help them if they are really stuck and aren’t sure where to start with play? Start asking yourself and your child specific questions. What motivates them? What interests them? What lights them up? What do they want? If you can determine what they want, you can help them define a goal to achieve that and then support them in that goal.
[16:56] So now we can help motivate them with fun things, things they enjoy. But what about motivating them for things like chores and cleaning? One way is to allow them to face the consequences of not keeping up with the chores. It can be uncomfortable to clean up the accumulated mess, and may motivate them to keep up with it in the future.
[19:50] Another thing you could do is help your children set up an incentive for completing a task they may not love. For example, let them see how you promise yourself a treat if you complete a task you dislike, like doing the laundry.
[21:28] Remember it is also okay to offer yourself as a resource if they get stuck with developing a goal or incentive on their own to help keep them motivated. You can walk them through the process of setting their goals and support them through achieving them.
Quotes From Episode 9
“You cannot place motivation inside your child. This is something that has to develop internally … I'm talking about that internal motivation, that intrinsic motivation that we want to see in our kids.”
“The importance of having this screen free, under scheduled, downtime where you have not provided a solution is that it's going to lead to play on the other side. Inspiration usually follows boredom.”
“If you're trying to force motivation by nagging them, threatening them with punishments or giving them bribes to try and get them to be motivated, you're not actually helping them develop this intrinsic self-motivation, which is really key here.”
Let's work together! I provide 1:1 support for parents motivated to make positive changing in their parenting and gain confidence and increase fulfillment in their role as parents. If this sounds like it might be what you've been looking for, book a free consultation today.
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