[00:12] As we go into January, and maybe even February of 2021, parents will be hopeful that Covid-19 can be a thing of the past and have school go somewhat back to normal. With that, there will be some major decisions to be made on whether to enroll your children in daycare or preschool. This inspired today’s episode, so I want to talk all about young children and their needs surrounding socialization. 

[02:52] One fear that I hope this episode alleviates for you today is the reality that peers and friendships are not the keys to your child becoming socialized. What is socialization anyway? From a developmental perspective, socialization is about being able to interact with peers and in society while holding onto one’s true self. 

[04:10] If you want your child to be figuring out who they are and what their interests are, chances are if they socialize very young, they won’t get that chance to solidify their interests. Their interests and likes get mixed in with those peers around them. So remember peers are not the key to early socialization. The assumption that young children need opportunities to interact with peers to learn social skills is a myth. 

[06:28] Children become socialized not through their peer interactions but rather to the adults to whom they are attached to. I know I have talked a lot about attachment and the importance of attachment to children in their development. Children seek to be like their primary attachments. Those attachment figures, ideally parents, are the people who provide a societal blueprint for the children in their care. That is key to children becoming social beings. 

[08:12] Is there a problem with children having too much exposure to peers at a very young age? In Dr. Neufeld's book, “Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers”, he does acknowledge that there can be a problem with this. This is due to them becoming inclined to what Neufeld calls “peer attachment” or “peer-oriented”. This is a social phenomenon he explores in the book. This refers to children becoming more attached to their peers rather than the adults taking care of them. 

[11:38] It is important to recognize what daycares and preschools provide versus what they don’t. They are not a means to socialize your child, and certainly not a means to socialize your child because they will be in the presence of other children. I am not saying to avoid daycares or preschools. However, it’s important to think about what you are getting in this type of environment.

[13:12] A huge positive to the participation in preschools or even parent-child classes is that they can expand the attachment village. This is very important. A lot of times, the teachers can become a nurturing attachment and valued figure to your child. When I was raising my children as they were very little, I did enroll them in preschool. Not necessarily for socialization purposes, but I needed to have blocks of time where my children were not in my care so I could work or attend to other children. 

[15:48] Again, just remember it’s not the peer interaction that will help your child with socialization. It’s the adult who is going to take care of the children. How do they handle problems or nurture the child when they are sad or upset? This is the key. That is the socialization they will be receiving. 

[18:19] I encourage you to take a look at the dynamic and see how the school runs, and how the children interact with themselves as well as teachers. I hope that I’ve relieved some pressure for you that you’ve been feeling regarding having to expose children to peers for socialization. Rest assured, you are what your child needs to reach their potential as a social and well-balanced individual.