[00:00] In this episode of The 3D Parent Podcast, I’m excited to welcome Holly Chayes. Holly is a style coach and consultant helping you build and keep the wardrobe you want. She helps you keep what’s working, fix what’s broken, and align what’s out of whack. From the hundreds of conversations she’s had about clothing, she knows there’s no single perfect solution, but rather the perfect style solution for YOU. While Holly is not a parent herself, she's seen and heard from friends and clients how easy it is to lose your sense of individual identity, and how hard it is to carve out time for yourself as a parent. Intentionally getting dressed in the morning and embracing your personal style is a fast and easy way to do both! I’m excited to talk to Holly today about how parents can use clothing and style as part of their self-care. It’s something we often ignore as parents, but it can have a profound impact on our mood and confidence.

[02:46] I began our conversation by asking Holly why we should focus on clothing out of all the different avenues for self-care. Holly reminds us that clothes are part of our everyday lives. Getting dressed in the morning is so simple, but when we have a wardrobe that meets both functionality and personal enjoyment, we will feel more supported and comfortable in our own skin. When you are wearing something you feel good in, you carry that confidence with you for the rest of your day.

[06:20] Many parents might say that they just don’t have the time to invest in their wardrobe. Holly points out that all of us are already getting dressed in the morning every day. We’re already making choices and spending time doing that. She asks if putting on something nice would really take that much extra time. We have a false idea that choosing fashionable pieces will be complicated when it really doesn’t have to be. 

[08:29] I wanted to know how much body acceptance comes into play with personal style, especially for women whose bodies have changed after having children. Holly says it’s a big part of feeling good about your clothing, especially since we are bombarded with negative messages from society. She encourages us to reframe negative body thoughts. If something doesn’t fit you, the problem is with the clothes and not with your body. There doesn’t have to be a judgment attached to that. It’s especially difficult going through body transitions. But it’s helpful to recognize that when you go through a transition in your life (like going into parenthood) your body will transition too. Our bodies are not meant to be the same forever. 

[13:36] I asked Holly how parents can keep some semblance of personal style. She says to start with the ideal first and then work to make it a practical reality. Think first about the quality you want to express with your wardrobe. Do you want a vibrant wardrobe, or a very simple wardrobe, or a chic wardrobe? How do you want to feel? Then you can see how to make that quality work while also balancing the demands of your life. 

[18:08] The idea of working on your personal style can feel overwhelming. Holly says she always starts by taking an inventory with her clients. Look at all of the clothing you own and then you can look at what is or isn’t working for you. This also allows you to look at the “gap” between where you are and where you want to be. This can also help you get out of a rut. You might always be pairing pieces in the same way. Or you might be in a kind of seasonal rut, only using pieces at certain times of the year. There are more ways to combine and repurpose things than you think. When you see all your clothes together, you can start to think about new ways of using your outfits. 

[25:43] We have a false idea that we need to get rid of everything to work on our personal style. We’ve all seen the makeover moments in movies where everything gets pitched and people go on a huge shopping spree, but that’s not realistic. It’s not practical for our budgets, and it can create a disconnect if we have entirely new clothes and nothing else. We also have a problematic view that clothes are consumable and disposable. But that’s harmful to us mentally and to our environment. Instead of getting cheap clothes and viewing them as disposable, it’s better to invest a little in higher-quality pieces that will last longer. 

[33:12] Holly says that in the way the fashion industry is now, there are pretty much no perfectly sustainable options. What we can do is make the best decisions we can given the way things are. We can model these things for our children. Our budget may not allow us cashmere sweaters (nor would that be very practical for most of us) but we can choose higher-quality items over fast fashion. We can utilize second hand and hand-me-downs for our kids.

[38:06] I asked Holly about what parents can unlock by addressing self-care through wardrobe and personal style. She said it comes down to how you can be the most present in your life. When you care for yourself and feel good about your style, you’ll be able to show up to your life with more confidence and authenticity. You as a parent have the opportunity to model that confidence for your kids. Children are incredibly perceptive, and they will be able to tell if you are talking to them about confidence but not really living it.