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My goal is to provide you with tools that help inform, empower and boost your confidence as a parent so you can make the best decisions possible for you and your family.  Parenting is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. I am here to guide you through the 3D Parent approach to parenting, so you can stop struggling and start celebrating all of the time you have with your children.

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What Kids Don't Need To Hear From Their Parents

May 19, 2021

“Instead of banishing your child or sending them to time out, make space for your children and let them know that they're welcome to be in your presence no matter what version of themselves is there.”

 

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, we are going to discuss what kids don’t need from their parents. This is a different approach from what I usually do on my episodes but it is equally important as these are common mistakes that a lot of parents make.

 

We’ll walk through the difficult moments that parents usually experience with their child and discuss the underlying factors that contribute to your child’s frustrations. We will also navigate through what to do and what not to do during these challenging times.

 

Throughout this episode, I will unpack six pointers on what kids don’t need from their parents, and the reasoning behind why our children don’t respond well to these six things. I will also provide guides on what to do instead so that you will not end up wounding your relationship with your children. 


 

Things You Will Learn

[00:07] Our topic for today’s episode is what kids don’t need from their parents. I’m going to talk about the common mistakes that a lot of parents make that can have serious implications for parent-children relationships.

[00:45] The first thing that your children don’t need from their parents is to feel responsible for their parents’ feelings or behaviors. While these sentiments often come from a place of good intentions, it’s misguided because it sets forth a belief that children have control over our feelings and ultimately, leads to the children believing that parents are weak. So when your child says or does something hurtful, prioritize addressing the root cause of the behavior first before talking about the implications of their actions.

[02:39] After your child has calmed down, this is the perfect time to address their problematic behavior. The best way to do this is to draw out good intentions. Instead of making them feel bad and flawed about their instincts, make them realize that their actions are just a natural reaction and that doesn’t change the fact that they are a good person.

[04:25] The second thing that kids don’t need from their parents is to believe that their parents don't know what they’re doing in terms of parenting. I do understand that it is natural for parents to second-guess their parenting skills and question their ability as a parent, but the best thing to do is to keep that away from your children. Children won’t be able to trust their parents if they realize that they don’t know what they’re doing. Eventually, this knowledge will just cause anxiety and fear for your children.

[06:50] Concerning this, kids should not feel like they need to take care of their parents. That is not the natural order of the parent-child relationship, and it is not your child’s responsibility to take care of you. However, this does not mean you can't express your emotions in front of your children. The key here is to communicate with them that while you are feeling some emotions, you can still manage it on your own, and at the end of the day, you will be okay.

[08:51] Our kids also don’t need to feel that we don’t want to be around them when they act a certain way. This feeling is usually manifested by the time out punishment or silent treatment. However, we shouldn’t banish our child especially when they’re becoming difficult because that’s when they need us the most. Banishing your child sends a very wounding message that your relationship with them is conditional. There are exceptions to this but the main thing to remember is to not use this as your go-to tactic for disciplining your child to the point where the action starts communicating that you just can’t handle your child.

[14:40] Last but not least, kids don’t need their parents to increase their frustration when they’re going through a difficult time. Threats and punishments will just lead to bigger explosions of frustrations. So instead of building up their frustrations, opt to offer yourself as a source of help and comfort. It can be so easy for parents to jump into punishments but sometimes, the only way for children to move past these stuck points is for us to help them recognize and process their emotions.

  


 

 

Quotes From Episode 46

“When you support your child, you deepen your connection with them. You help them process and adapt to one of life’s frustrations.”

“Ensure that you communicate to your children that while their behaviors might be problematic, they are still inherently good.”

“Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your child's emotional needs when they're having a hard time.”

“Instead of banishing your child or sending them to time out, make space for your children and let them know that they're welcome to be in your presence no matter what version of themselves is there.”

“You don't have to have the answers all the time, but you need to give a sense of confidence to your child that you will find the answer.”

“When your child says something hurtful or does something hurtful, don't address the behavior if possible. Instead, at the moment, address what you think is causing that upset in the first place.”

“Communicate to your child that they are welcome in your presence regardless of how they're feeling in that moment.”


 

Let's work together! I provide 1:1 support for parents motivated to make positive changing in their parenting and gain confidence and increase fulfillment in their role as parents. If this sounds like it might be what you've been looking for, book a free consultation today.

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About Your Host

I’m Beaven Walters, your host and guide on this crazy and fulfilling journey as a parent.

As a certified parent coach, parent educator and mom of 4 children, I am passionate about helping parents navigate the tough stuff while maintaining dignity, direction and deep connection in your family relationships.  I have spent over 10 years teaching in a variety of educational settings with multiple age groups, and now I am delighted to bring those experiences to you at home. Throughout this podcast, we will cover topics such as tantrums, sibling conflict, screen time overload and transitioning into the teenage years.

My goal is to provide you with tools that help inform, empower and boost your confidence as a parent so you can make the best decisions possible for you and your family.  Parenting is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I am here to guide you through the 3D Parent approach to parenting, so you can stop struggling and start celebrating all of the time you have with your children.