“You need to develop a sense of curiosity about your child, and you cannot get sucked up into the emotions of what’s going on.”

This week on the podcast I will be talking about the 3D Parent approach and how you can start making that transition in your home today.  Now, this won’t be easy, especially if you are used to trying to control your child’s behaviors with rewards and punishment. This may feel very foreign to you and you may feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.  That is completely normal, but I want to encourage you to not give up.

In this episode I will break down the difference between approaching your child’s behaviors from a behaviorist perspective vs. a developmentalist perspective, and how to start making the transition to nurture their development without trying to force them into a box.

Things You Will Learn

[0:21]  I want to start this episode by discussing the 3 D’s – dignity, direction and deep connection, and the important role they play in this approach to parenting.

[4:26]  So what is the 3D Parent approach?  It is a developmental approach that requires a parent to observe and understand their child’s behaviors.

[6:07]  Here I make reference to Dr. Neufeld of the Neufeld Institute and his example of a sculptor parent vs. a gardener parent to describe the difference between a behaviorist and a developmentalist approach to parenting.

[10:16]  As I stopped trying to control my daughter and started to understand her better, I enjoyed her and our relationship more.

[11:29]  So how do you start parenting as a 3D Parent?  Faith in yourself and lots of practice.

[13:06]  I will walk you through decoding your child’s behavior, by first, getting out of the 2D mindset and second, by getting curious about your child’s behavior and asking yourself questions when your child does not behave how you would hope

[20:30]  Lastly, you must address the need that is not being met for your child without shame or blame, to complete the 3D Parent approach.

[20:56]  At this point in the podcast, I’d like to walk you through some real life examples of decoding behavior from my won personal experience as a mom.

Quotes From Episode 37

“The 3D parent is literally looking at behavior as another form of communication so that you can determine what’s causing the behavior.  What is below it?”

[In reference to developing a 3D Parent]  “This parent is focusing on relationship, is focusing on emotion and making sense of emotions and feelings … and fostering conditions that are going to help this child mature and grow and flourish.”

“You need to develop a sense of curiosity about your child, and you cannot get sucked up into the emotions of what’s going on.”