[02:21] Through my years as a parent coach, I have discovered a common thought pattern among White parents on why they avoid talking about racism with their child. Many parents believe that discussing race and racism is not applicable to their family. Some get too intimidated and overwhelmed by the topic while others believe that talking about racism is actually racism itself and still others believe that they can’t do much to advocate change. However, having the option not to talk about these topics and the ability to make these excuses are actually examples of White privilege in action.

[13:59] As a White family, we have so much more to learn and most importantly, to unlearn, in terms of dealing with racism and privilege within and outside our family. This is a lifelong commitment for White people who truly want to be a part of ending racial injustice in our world.

[14:56] Addressing race and biases in your children should start as early as their development stage. Because as early as three months, babies already show a preference toward people of their own race. By toddlerhood, children are starting to link race with their behaviors. They may prefer to play with someone of their own race and may start to adopt negative stereotypes against people of different color or people who speak different languages. 

[16:54] During their preschool years, children start to seek, and even create, their own labels for race. And their thoughts are largely influenced by verbal and nonverbal responses from adults. Unfortunately, since children don’t have the ability to properly comprehend the idea of racial differences, they are prone to form their own theories that might be entirely inaccurate. That’s why it’s important for parents to talk about these difficult topics as early as possible.

[18:19] By the time they enter kindergarten, children have already developed a core sense of racial identity. And while White children are starting to show a strong bias toward their own race, children of color are starting to perceive the negative social bias toward their race. These instances can have a huge negative impact on their self-esteem, and consequently, also affects their behavior and school performance.

[18:56] At around ages 9 to 12, children’s cognitive skills are starting to develop, and they are becoming more adept at analyzing their own ideas about the identities of themselves and others. Most importantly, they are also starting to either challenge or accept social stereotypes. Here’s the important part: research has shown the around this age, explicit conversations around interracial friendships can have a dramatic effect on their attitudes towards race. But if parents fail to address these biases around this stage, children’s perspectives will eventually solidify and as they grow older, it also gets harder to change those perspectives.

[20:45] With that said, I want to give you my six steps for increasing your efforts to address race, identity, prejudice, and privilege within your family. The first step is commitment. You have to be committed to addressing these topics yourself before you address them with your children. Read books, watch documentaries, and learn about your own biases and privilege. 

[24:44] Once you're well-equipped about the concepts that surround racism and bias, you can move on to step two, which is, to take the lead and actually start the conversation with your children. Remember that it is not enough to tell your kids to just be kind to everyone. It is important to intentionally have conversations that are directly and explicitly focused on race, racism, and privilege. You cannot just wait for teachable moments to arrive, especially when there’s not a lot of diversity in your community. 

[26:57] In terms of discussing these topics with young children, you don’t have to necessarily go straight into the topic. What I do is ask questions first to gauge children’s level of understanding and readiness to learn. Your discussions can be intentional but it can be simple too, like using analogies or stories of some sort. 

[31:25] When you have these difficult conversations with your child, it is also important to give a message of hope. Brainstorm ways you children can help out in their own little ways and empower your kids to be part of the positive changes that we all want to see in our world. No matter how difficult these conversations get, remember that they are necessary and essential and they are going to be the building blocks of our society. Keep in mind that people of color don’t have the privilege to opt out of this conversation because there is actually an imminent danger for their child out there. So, the least we can do for them is to do our little ways to help.

[32:09] Step three is seize the opportunity and take advantage of teachable moments. Children say even the most embarrassing things but this gives us clues to the ideas they have when it comes to race. And when these situations arise, you can’t just ignore it and pretend like nothing happened. As parents, we are responsible to address these experiences and turn it into teachable moments. We are responsible to clear up the misconceptions that are starting to formulate into your child’s consciousness before they turn into unconscious biases.

[36:57] Beyond the discussions about racial identities and discrimination, it is also important for parents to model anti-racist behaviors for children. That’s step four. Parents need to constantly educate themselves on ways to combat racism and include their children throughout the process. Continue to listen and learn and do the best you can to make a positive difference. Parents need to be role models as the advocate for change.

[38:03] Try to find authentic ways to add racial and cultural diversity to your family’s life, which is step five. In relation to step five, step six is to seek new ways to diversify your children’s resources. For instance, make sure that they have dolls that represent other races. Provide picture books where people of color are included in the storyline. Watch TV shows or movies that include varying races and with proper and accurate representations.

[43:23] There are tons of things that you can do to combat racism and racial prejudices within your family but the most important part is to actually commit to making a change. Staying silent cannot be an option for us any longer. We cannot afford to waste time because there are actual lives at stakes here. If you don’t proactively talk about racial issues, you are unwittingly perpetuating the unfair system in your children’s subconsciousness. So if you decide today that you are committed to raising children that can embrace diversity, you have to get ahead and address the biases and negative stereotypes that are immortalized in our society.