[02:59] In honor of Pride Month, we're going to talk about how to prepare for your child's coming out. And although it might be a hypothetical situation, it's essential to think about because parents will never know when a child will be coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

[03:47] To start the episode, we're joined by my son Scooter who's going to share his personal story of coming out.

[05:08] When Scooter started to recognize the feelings around his sexual orientation, he described his experience as confusing and terrifying. Scooter was aware of the prejudice against members of the LGBTQ+ community and hate crimes all over the country. And while he would like to believe that his peers and family would accept him for what he was, he felt like he just couldn't know for sure.

[06:51] According to Scooter, little things that we may deem 'not that important' actually helped him realize that he was still going to be loved and accepted after he disclosed his gender identity. These “little things” include having open discussions about gender and sexuality, and supporting events involving the LGBTQ+ community.

[10:02] Scooter also described his experience when he finally came out to us, his parents. He said that it was such an amazing and liberating experience.

[17:48] So when your child eventually comes out to you, there could be lots of conversations and questions. But I would recommend that the first thing you do is to tell them you love them. Say that you appreciate your child’s bravery and honesty, and ask them how you can help them through the process of coming out and if they want to share the news with relatives and close friends. Keep in mind to always ask their permission regarding this matter because you don't want to end up outing them to people they don't intend to be outed to.

[21:30] Now, having this hypothetical conversation also helps parents avoid undesirable initial reactions that may have lasting effects on our children. As mentioned earlier, you must not out your children even if you already have the inclination that they might be gay. Your child has to go through that sense of discovery, and they must first recognize and accept it within themselves before they can actually share it with others.

[24:50] Another thing to avoid is telling them that "it's just a phase." This statement is probably one of the most common and most problematic things to say to a child who is coming out. This statement implies that being gay is unpleasant and something you hope would end soon.

[25:48] The next thing we want to avoid saying is, "You're too young to know this about yourself." Remember that coming out is a strenuous and challenging process, especially for kids. It is most likely that a child has thought about his orientation long before they come out to their parents. When a child comes out at an early age, it is often a manifestation that the child's environment is accepting and loving, and it gives the child the courage to come out as early as they can.

[28:25] The coming out experience is a big adjustment not just for LGBTQ+ children but for parents as well. However, parents must remember not to take things personally. You might feel distant with your child when you're not the first person to know. The key here is to remember that it takes a lot of courage to come out to parents because children hold high regard for their parents' opinions. They are terrified of your reactions because they don't want to ruin the parent-child relationship.

[30:07] Finding a supportive sub-community within the LGBTQ+ community also helps a lot during the coming-out process. They can help you answer questions that you can't just ask your child yet and offer genuine support.

[32:19] The next thing to do is to have an open discussion with family members who are having a hard time accepting this information. Involve them in the learning and understanding process. When a child comes out, your family needs to come out as a whole because no child deserves to be the family's best-kept secret.

[36:53] Now, if you have a child who still isn't out yet and you want to help them with the process, it's essential that you create an environment that is accepting and understanding. One way to build this environment is to break down gender stereotypes even at children's early age. I also encourage you to use inclusive language within the family and maybe discuss with them inclusive pronouns and ask them about their preferred pronouns.

[33:55] Building this type of environment is crucial for your child's growth, especially for LGBTQ+ children. Remember that childhood is difficult enough, and most LGBT kids spend their entire existence being horribly, excruciatingly uncomfortable. We don't want to put our child through any more unnecessary discomfort.

[39:37] In closing here, I wanted to share with you that after a child comes out, parents often move through different stages similar to grief. We may feel that we lost the vision that we had for our child's future, such as building their own family and having kids. But here's the thing: those dreams are not theirs, to begin with, they are yours. It is unfair not to support our kids because we have different ideas for them. You have to realize that when a kid comes out, nothing really has changed. Your kid is still the same wonderful person they were before they came out.