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My goal is to provide you with tools that help inform, empower and boost your confidence as a parent so you can make the best decisions possible for you and your family.  Parenting is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. I am here to guide you through the 3D Parent approach to parenting, so you can stop struggling and start celebrating all of the time you have with your children.

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Making Space For Frustration

May 19, 2021

“I encourage you to embrace and make space for your children's frustration to move. It might be the answer as to what's been missing from your parenting and self-care practice during this period of high frustration.”

 

This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, I will be talking about making space for frustration which is very timely considering there is a high-level of frustration building up around the pandemic. Thankfully, there are a lot of easy-to-do activities that can help us and our children find the much-needed emotional release.

 

We will go over topics such as:

  • The importance of embracing and expressing frustrations in our family and our society.
  • What foul frustration is all about and key behaviors to identify if your children are struggling with it.
  • Three categories of emotional playground including specific emotional release activities you can easily try the comfort of your home!

When exploring the activities mentioned in this episode, remember that there is not a single activity that will work on all children. So I encourage you to have patience and understanding when trying to help your kid move their frustrations. 

 


 

Things You Will Learn

[00:10] Before we dive into the spirit of giving and gratitude, I want to first talk about frustrations. It is time that we make space for the expression of frustration in our culture to achieve optimum balance in emotional health. As much as we desire to focus on positive emotions, frustrations are inevitable in human experience.  We need to acquire the ability to embrace both positive and negative emotions to achieve a balanced emotional energy.

[02:22] Frustration is an emotion that occurs when we are hindered on achieving our goals and  desires. And unfortunately, we have an abundance of frustrations as an implication of the pandemic.

[03:51] One of the basic principles that I have learned about emotions is that they need to be expressed. Feelings need to move. It is not advisable to suppress these emotions as it may lead to a multitude of behavioral problems, especially for our developing children.

[04:35] To understand how frustrations affect our children, we need to decode our children’s behavior. If your children are often lashing out, talking back, instigating fights, or other related problematic actions, they may be experiencing foul frustration. Foul frustration basically means frustration that has been left out, untouched, and unmoved. 

[06:12] To help our children move through these frustrations, we need to find a healthy emotional release.  According to Dr. Neufeld from the Neufeld Institute, parents need to hold space for an emotional playground, a safe space where children, together with their parents, can release their emotions freely. 

[06:53] Lisa Weiner from Neufeld Institute wrote an article What to do with Frustration where she identified three categories of activities that fit into the emotional playground that Dr. Neufeld was referring to. The three categories include:

  • Destructive activities.
  • Constructive activities.
  • Melancholy-inducing activities.

[07:44] First off, let’s dive into destructive activities. This includes activities such as slamming a punching bag, chopping wood, ripping a picture, etc. Now, you might be thinking, do I really want to encourage destructive behavior in my child? The answer is yes, but only when frustrations are already built up in our children, like a volcano ready to erupt anytime soon! [To learn more about destructive activities, listen to Episode 8: Understanding Childhood Aggression].

[12:56] The next category mentioned by Weiner from her article is constructive activities. As I mentioned, frustrations arise when circumstances hinders us from achieving our desires. To counter that, Weiner suggested constructive activities, or activities wherein we can easily achieve the outcome we hope to achieve. It can be as simple as planting, cooking, organizing, woodworking, and other related activities.

[14:20] The last category is melancholy-inducing activities. Simply put, these are the activities that bring out the tears in our children. Remember: emotions need to move. So this is a great way to move frustrations into sadness, and finally letting it all out through tears. If you want to explore this category, try taking on activities such as watching a movie, reading poetry, listening to music, reflecting on journaling, and other related activities.

[15:55] While exploring different categories mentioned in this episode, know that not every suggestion is going to work for every single person. Try to mix up different activities to see what really provides effective cathartic release for your children.

[17:07] Another thing to remember when delving into the topic of frustration is that parents should also do the work to move their own frustrations. However, be mindful of how much frustration you are expressing in front of your children. As much as we want to model expressing frustrations, too much frustration energy could put children in a state of alarm. The key here is to find the right balance on how to deal with frustrations properly for both you and your children.

 

  


 

Episode Resources

What to do with Frustration 

Quotes From Episode 56

“We need to also make space for the expression of frustration in our culture.”

“We need to acquire the ability to embrace and express positive and negative emotions to achieve a balanced emotional energy.”

“Emotions need to be moved and expressed. It can’t stay stuck.”

“When you give permission to express feelings that are explosive and destructive, outbursts and foul frustrations will be reduced.”

“I encourage you to embrace and make space for your children's frustration to move. It might be the answer to what's been missing from your parenting and self-care practice during this period of high frustration.”

“What we need to help our children, and oftentimes ourselves, who are struggling with a lot of frustration is to make space for emotional release.”

 


 

Let's work together! I provide 1:1 support for parents motivated to make positive changing in their parenting and gain confidence and increase fulfillment in their role as parents. If this sounds like it might be what you've been looking for, book a free consultation today.

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About Your Host

I’m Beaven Walters, your host and guide on this crazy and fulfilling journey as a parent.

As a certified parent coach, parent educator and mom of 4 children, I am passionate about helping parents navigate the tough stuff while maintaining dignity, direction and deep connection in your family relationships.  I have spent over 10 years teaching in a variety of educational settings with multiple age groups, and now I am delighted to bring those experiences to you at home. Throughout this podcast, we will cover topics such as tantrums, sibling conflict, screen time overload and transitioning into the teenage years.

My goal is to provide you with tools that help inform, empower and boost your confidence as a parent so you can make the best decisions possible for you and your family.  Parenting is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I am here to guide you through the 3D Parent approach to parenting, so you can stop struggling and start celebrating all of the time you have with your children.