How To Handle Your Adolescent's Counterwill
May 18, 2021
“This information I'm going to share was inspired and informed through a few courses that I've taken over the last couple of years from the Gordon Neufeld Institute. One of the courses was, ‘Making Sense of Adolescence”’ and another workshop that I took was called, ‘The Counter Will Storm - Making Sense of Teen Resistance.’"
This week on the 3D Parent Podcast, we will be talking about the concept of counterwill during adolescence.
Throughout the episode, we’re going to share tips and suggestions that can help you navigate all of the particular ways your child may exhibit counterwill.
Some of the topics that we will cover include:
- The basics of what counterwill is, why it occurs most often during adolescence and what scenarios can trigger it.
- Strategies you can use to manage your children’s counterwill and prevent it from growing bigger than your relationship with them.
- Tips on how to cope with counterwill if you have more than one child at home.
I hope these tips will help you get through this stage of your child’s development with as little hiccups as possible. Don’t hesitate to reach out on the website if you have any parenting questions!
Things You Will Learn
Episode Resources
Find out more about the Gordon Neufeld Institute here
Quotes From Episode 30
"I've mentioned this a few times before: think of your teen at times when they're being real prickly as a porcupine. A porcupine is not hard and prickly through its entire self. There is a soft core inside."
"I've talked about this concept of “collect before direct” or “connect before direct,” and it holds true with the adolescent as well. Don't just go straight to your child with your agenda and demand that they do certain things without actually spending time with your child."
"Do not use a demanding or commanding tone with your child. That will immediately put them into counterwill. I've had to call myself out or my teenagers have called me out on this before."
"If you're always addressing your child and trying to get them to follow your will by force or coercion, you're going to experience an increase in counterwill. If you're experiencing a lot of it, you need to work on the relationship. You need to focus less on you trying to get your will forced upon your child and more on connecting, relating, and finding things that you enjoy together."
"Finding ways that you can connect with kids, your teenagers, your adolescents can be really helpful. I've also found it helpful to go back and return to some activities that my older children enjoyed doing when they were younger."
"When you're dealing with counterwill, resist the temptation to react in a way that could make it more permanent. You don't want to make this permanent, so don't react in a way that could make it so. Also, remind yourself that this period of time is temporary. It again is instinctive, instinctual for your adolescent child, and it does not last forever."
"If you have more than one child or even if you only have one child in your home, empower them to be leaders by taking on a role. Ask them to do something and let them do it their way without you jumping in and micromanaging them. They may do it differently than you would, but that's okay if you empower them to lead."
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