UNDERSTANDING CHILDHOOD AGGRESSION
I am so happy you have found the 3D Parent Podcast. My name is Beaven Walters, and I am your host. Before I created the 3D Parent, I spent over 10 years teaching in various educational settings. I have always had a passion for working with children. After my first child was born, and not too long after my second, I discovered I was truly passionate about parenting in a way that worked for my children. So, I became a certified parent coach to help not only myself, but other parents who were struggling through a tough season in parenting just like me.
This podcast was created with the parent in mind. I am going to be covering the 3D Parent method and systems, so you can gain tangible tools to help you bring dignity, direction and deep connection to your family dynamic. My goal is to help you become the most confident parent you can be, and feel empowered in your parenting choices.
THINGS YOU WILL LEARN IN EP. 8: UNDERSTANDING CHILDHOOD AGGRESSION
[0:32] In this episode, we will dig into childhood aggression so we can identify what it is, where it comes from and what to do in the moment when your child is acting out, and how to proactively avoid aggression.
[4:36] So where does aggression come from? Most often it comes from a child not being willing to face very vulnerable feelings or emotions.
[8:07] How do we help them process this? We set boundaries, we stick to them and we allow them to process through their emotions. This allows them to practice moving through and experiencing a range of emotions including anger, rage and frustration.
[9:39] The aggression occurs when your child is unwilling to process through frustration and sadness, and instead acts out.
[10:45] When we focus on the aggression and start punishing children for that behavior, it robs them of processing their emotions and they can just stay angry.
[15:46] So, how do we handle the aggressive outbursts? You stay with your child, you restrain them if necessary and you depersonalize the restraint and behavior so your child doesn’t feel like they are being attacked.
[18:03] The most important thing for you to do in these moments of aggression is to remind your child, I know your screaming and kicking because you’re frustrated. And then you’re going to remind them of the thing that set them off in the first place.
[20:59] Once your child has moved through the anger and aggression into sadness, that is when you comfort them.
[23:17] Providing other outlets for the aggressive energy may help them move through some of that energy. This may include punching a pillow or couch cushion, or ripping up recyclable paper.
[24:15] In the aftermath, your goal is to work toward repairing anything you need to repair between you and your child.
[24:33] Proactively the best thing you can do is provide outlets for their aggressive energy that feels like play. So, things like sports, or martial arts, or simply allowing them to pop balloons or bubble wrap.
QUOTES FROM UNDERSTANDING CHILDHOOD AGGRESSION
“Young children and immature children only have the ability and the capacity to experience and feel one emotion at a time.”
“[Your child] wants to bypass that [sadness]. It is too vulnerable for them. They want to kind of say, yep, I’m not going to feel that sadness …”
“What you’re doing is you’re basically not allowing them to distract themselves in this mode of aggression. You’re getting your child to basically face the thing they don’t want to face.”
RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE:
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