DISCIPLINE WITH DIGNITY
I am so happy you have found the 3D Parent Podcast. My name is Beaven Walters, and I am your host. Before I created the 3D Parent, I spent over 10 years teaching in various educational settings. I have always had a passion for working with children. After my first child was born, and not too long after my second, I discovered I was truly passionate about parenting in a way that worked for my children. So, I became a certified parent coach to help not only myself, but other parents who were struggling through a tough season in parenting just like me.
This podcast was created with the parent in mind. I am going to be covering the 3D Parent method and systems, so you can gain tangible tools to help you bring dignity, direction and deep connection to your family dynamic. My goal is to help you become the most confident parent you can be, and feel empowered in your parenting choices.
THINGS YOU WILL LEARN IN EP. 4: DISCIPLINE WITH DIGNITY
[3:44] Your connection is your most powerful tool in discipline. The level of cooperation parents get from their children is usually equal to the connection they feel with their parents. This can vary from moment to moment.
[5:43] I review older methods of discipline starting with fear based methods. These methods generally cause alarm, like yelling, spanking and threats.
[8:18] Another problematic method is separation methods. This includes time outs, social isolation or threatening to leave without your child.
[11:52] Another common form of discipline is consequence based methods. This includes things that look like rewards, like sticker charts, praise for good behavior and consequences for bad behavior and taking away toys and privileges.
[15:02] Other problematic discipline methods include positive discipline. This method is actually great for empowering children and overlaps a lot with the 3D parent method, but it encourages kids to always expect a choice.
[19:17] What is the alternative to these methods? Discipline with dignity. Choose methods that won’t damage your relationship with your child. Focus on building that connection.
[23:19] Set firm boundaries and enforce them, let your child tantrum, stay with them, but be firm and let them express their emotions.
[30:02] When trying to direct your child to change their environment or leave a situation or friend's house, connect before you direct. Bring back the connection with your child before giving them directions. Or make a game of it. This works incredibly well for competitive children.
[35:07] Another way to connect is to be proactive and intentional with your parenting. Anticipate their needs and meet them before they ask or misbehave.
QUOTES FROM DISCIPLINE WITH DIGNITY
“Your most powerful tool in discipline is your connection, your attachment with your child.”
“So why [are time outs] so damaging, these time types of separation based methods? They're using the child's greatest need, which again is their need for attachment and connection with their primary caregivers, it's using that greatest need against the child and it's playing into their greatest fear of all, which is separation.”
“The first thing I want to encourage you to do is to make a major paradigm shift in the way you see your child when they're acting out, when we see a misbehaving child. I want you to look at this child very differently than you did before. Stop looking at this child as manipulating, as trying to push your buttons instead. See them as frustrated, struggling, hurting, because that's what they are.”
“Think of the discipline again as a word that is meant to be about leadership. It requires us as parents to take responsibility for our children and be able to identify what's not working so that we can address it.”
RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE:
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