CULTIVATING A DEEP CONNECTION WITH OUR CHILDREN
I am so happy you have found the 3D Parent Podcast. My name is Beaven Walters, and I am your host. Before I created the 3D Parent, I spent over 10 years teaching in various educational settings. I have always had a passion for working with children. After my first child was born, and not too long after my second, I discovered I was truly passionate about parenting in a way that worked for my children. So, I became a certified parent coach to help not only myself, but other parents who were struggling through a tough season in parenting just like me.
This podcast was created with the parent in mind. I am going to be covering the 3D Parent method and systems, so you can gain tangible tools to help you bring dignity, direction and deep connection to your family dynamic. My goal is to help you become the most confident parent you can be, and feel empowered in your parenting choices.
THINGS YOU WILL LEARN IN EP. 3: CULTIVATING A DEEP CONNECTION WITH OUR CHILDREN
[0:17] Today’s episode is devoted solely to building a deep connection and bond with your child, and nurturing it throughout their life.
[3:52] I want to touch on a study done by Mary Aynesworth that observed relationships between a parent or caregiver and a child. This study was called the “strange situation” study.
[6:25] Based on the experiment, the children could be grouped into 3 categories based on their response in this situation: secure, resistant or ambivalent, and avoidant.
[6:33] Secure babies tended to have better relationships with their parents and were more well adjusted.
[7:09] Resistant / ambivalent children tend to grow up and require more reassurance and seek attachment with peers.
[8:08] Avoidant babies appear independent, but just assume their needs won’t be met and grow up very needy and demanding.
[11:02] How do you raise a secure child? Decode behaviors by looking for underlying unmet needs and fulfilling those needs.
[13:35] My favorite way to discuss developing deep connection is through Dr. Neufeld’s 6 stages of attachment. I am going to explain them, but I also encourage you to do your own research. I have included a link to a video in the resources.
[14:04] The first stage of attachment: proximity. This means attaching through their senses.
[14:47] The second stage of attachment: sameness. This can be witnessed in watching a child copy and mimic your actions.
[16:09] The third stage of attachment: belonging and loyalty. This presents almost as a possessiveness over the parents and being very much on their parents’ side.
[18:08] The fourth stage of attachment: significance. This is when the child desires to be unconditionally loved and accepted for who they are.
[19:18] The fifth stage of attachment: love and emotion. Between the ages of 4 and 5 there is a tremendous burst of brain development that allows your child to start to process and feel things on an emotional level.
[20:49] The sixth stage of attachment: being known. Children in this stage choose their parents as their “secret keeper” for fear that not sharing would get in the way of their relationship. This is your goal.
[23:04] I identify some roadblocks to developing attachment, specifically in early childhood.
[28:16] I provide some tips for building strong attachment at home for each stage of attachment that was discussed above.
[44:39] As parents it is so important to be mindful of creating attachment because it is going to be key in getting your child to cooperate and how you think about discipline.
QUOTES FROM CULTIVATING A DEEP CONNECTION WITH OUR CHILDREN
“... As securely attached children get older, they form better relationships with others, have higher self-esteem and are more flexible and resilient under stress and perform better in every aspect of life from schoolwork to peer interactions.”
“Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood.” - Pam Leo
“So [Dr. Dan Siegel] states that the key to a secure attachment of their child is ensuring that they feel the four S's safe, secure, seen and soothed.”
RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE:
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