Q & A - YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
I am so happy you have found the 3D Parent Podcast. My name is Beaven Walters, and I am your host. Before I created the 3D Parent, I spent over 10 years teaching in various educational settings. I have always had a passion for working with children. After my first child was born, and not too long after my second, I discovered I was truly passionate about parenting in a way that worked for my children. So, I became a certified parent coach to help not only myself, but other parents who were struggling through a tough season in parenting just like me.
This podcast was created with the parent in mind. I am going to be covering the 3D Parent method and systems, so you can gain tangible tools to help you bring dignity, direction and deep connection to your family dynamic. My goal is to help you become the most confident parent you can be, and feel empowered in your parenting choices.
THINGS YOU WILL LEARN IN EP. 16: Q & A - YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
[2:15] On this episode of the 3D Parent Podcast, I will be answering some of your parenting questions. The first question we will cover is regarding how to support your child through times of anxiety. First, I want to say this is not uncommon. There has actually been an increase in younger children experiencing anxiety. But it can be difficult to share from your personal experience when you haven’t experienced anxiety.
[3:23] In this case, talk with your daughter and try to identify what triggers her anxiety. If you can identify the triggers you can come up with a plan to address it. If she seems to have generalized anxiety, I encourage you to talk with her pediatrician.
[4:26] The next step after identifying triggers, would be to normalize her fears and nervousness. Also, instill in her that you are here to help and are confident you can work through her worries with her.
[5:23] To increase her resilience and self-confidence, I’d encourage talking through those things that cause her anxiety, but refer to the good part of those scenarios, or the parts she may desire to be a part of. When desire becomes greater than fear, that is where her confidence and resilience will come from.
[7:52] The next question comes from a mom of 3 looking for help in managing the, “it’s not fair” monologue on repeat. Luckily, I am not unfamiliar with this phrase myself, so I have some tips and tricks.
[8:37] Tip #1: Don’t let this behavior trigger you or set you off. Instead, validate your child’s feelings, as hard as that can be. Let him know you know this is hard.
[9:14] Tip #2: Stop trying to make things fair. As parents, we tend to play into this. But life isn’t fair, so we can validate their feelings and let them know we hear them, but it doesn’t change the situation or mean that it will become “fair.”
[10:45] Tip #3: Play into the hierarchy that exists in families with more than 1 child. For example, yes, the older kids get more privileges but also more responsibility.
[13:40] Lastly, you can model your own acceptance of disappointment and frustration to show your kids how to graciously accept things not working out. Another good way to help kids understand “fairness” is to let them volunteer in the community.
[16:09] The next question comes from the mom of an almost 16 year old, who is vaping and using marijuana, but thinks it is not a big deal because it's legal in neighboring states. I am not okay with him using it, and I am not okay with it being in my house, but I am afraid setting such firm boundaries will stir up previous depressive symptoms.
[17:57] My recommendation in this situation is to set that firm boundary. Your child needs you to be the parent, first and foremost, not their friend. And he may be angry with you initially but that is something you just need to make peace with. If you start to see a recurrence of his previous symptoms, get him the support he needs, but it is not because you set a boundary.
[19:56] The last question for today is from a mom of a 14 month old asking how to get her baby to sleep through the night. She goes down fine, but wakes up around midnight and won’t go back to sleep.
[22:44] Get curious about your child and why this might be happening. Your child is trying to communicate with you.
[23:39] What it seems she is getting out of the nursing relationship, and what she is most likely needing, is the closeness she is getting from it.
[25:16] Some things to keep in mind: this is not forever, it is just a phase. Also, be so intentional about taking time during the day to connect with your child. Hopefully, this will fulfill her needs during the day and allow you to get some sleep at night. But this won’t be forever, and usually just when we think we can’t do it anymore, that is when it starts to get better.
QUOTES FROM Q & A - YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
“Interest in doing something that might be a little bit hard, but you've pushed through, gosh, that's where the self-confidence and the resilience can really, really grow.”
“Your fear around setting boundaries and causing him to have a recurrence of suicidal ideology, that is something that I want you to really reconsider here. Your child needs you to be the mama bear. He is an out of line cub and he needs you to be that strong momma bear who is going to check him and say, ‘uh-uh, not in my home, not OK by me.’”
“But there's something else, obviously, that comes from this nursing relationship and that is contact and closeness. And that is a relevant need.”
EPISODES TO FURTHER THE DISCUSSION:
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING …
Thank you so much for taking the time to check out the 3D Parent Podcast. Do you have a parenting question for an upcoming episode? I would LOVE to connect with you and answer your questions. Please share your parenting question here!