PARENT COACHING: AGGRESSION TOWARD NANNY
I am so happy you have found the 3D Parent Podcast. My name is Beaven Walters, and I am your host. Before I created the 3D Parent, I spent over 10 years teaching in various educational settings. I have always had a passion for working with children. After my first child was born, and not too long after my second, I discovered I was truly passionate about parenting in a way that worked for my children. So, I became a certified parent coach to help not only myself, but other parents who were struggling through a tough season in parenting just like me.
This podcast was created with the parent in mind. I am going to be covering the 3D Parent method and systems, so you can gain tangible tools to help you bring dignity, direction and deep connection to your family dynamic. My goal is to help you become the most confident parent you can be, and feel empowered in your parenting choices.
THINGS YOU WILL LEARN IN EP. 14: PARENT COACHING: AGGRESSION TOWARD NANNY
[7:12] This week I have a parent guest, Elizabeth, on with me, and Elizabeth’s daughter Delaney has always liked to be in control. She doesn’t like to be told what to do. When she was younger this resulted in a lot of hitting and biting. That has stopped with Elizabeth and her husband, but the aggression has continued with their nanny.
[14:08] The cause of aggression for children usually arises because they are avoiding feeling something uncomfortable, or something that makes them feel vulnerable.
[15:42] Why do kids have this aggression? It acts as a defense from feeling something they don’t want to.
[19:34] I walk Elizabeth through handling the aggressive behavior in the moment. The first thing we do is restraining our child from hurting themself or others, and remind them we’re here to help. Then we remind them of what triggered them. If we ignore that it doesn’t allow them to feel and process the emotions that frustrated them in the first place.
[23:21] It is also important to consider nurturing and deepening the connection between Laney and her nanny. I cover this extensively in Episode 3 (insert link to show notes). One thing that may be very helpful is sharing with Laney what the nanny shares with you, her parent, about your daughter.
[30:47] Part of creating a better relationship with boundaries is really setting those boundaries, knowing how to react to your child’s outburst, and sticking to the boundaries. Children can perceive if we have weakness and will instinctively take the lead because they feel they need to take care of themselves.
[38:01] Another component of this is separation from her mom. With your busy schedule, she is just struggling with this right now, so ways we can bridge this include: intentionally transferring Laney to her nanny, and focusing on the next time you’ll see her. You may also want to give her something physical that reminds her of you, for example matching bracelets.
[42:13] One last tip. In times when schedules can get really busy, make time that is special, no distractions, 100% attention on your child time. This helps them feel more connected to you, even though things are busy.
QUOTES FROM PARENT COACHING: AGGRESSION TOWARD NANNY
“ … aggression is really what happens for kids when they don't want to feel something that is very vulnerable. So when there's a there's an underlying feeling that they just don't want to face, a lot of times kids will lash out in aggression.”
“Developmentally, it's really important for children to not be self programmed to try and avoid vulnerable feelings. We need them to become more comfortable in the discomfort of those uncomfortable feelings.”
“I notice the more that I play with her, the more that I create our day as being fun and playful, the more I see that kind of willingness. And I feel like anything I can do to foster that between the two of them would also create that willingness from Laney.”
“But when it comes to parents and caregivers, that's a place where you want to keep those feelings and emotions that are being stirred up for us to ourselves. Because when we communicate those feelings, it's communicating ‘you have a lot of power over me.’ And the truth is, it's not fair to put a child response, make a child responsible for the feelings that we're having.”
EPISODES TO FURTHER THE DISCUSSION:
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