PARENT COACHING: FEARS AT BEDTIME
I am so happy you have found the 3D Parent Podcast. My name is Beaven Walters, and I am your host. Before I created the 3D Parent, I spent over 10 years teaching in various educational settings. I have always had a passion for working with children. After my first child was born, and not too long after my second, I discovered I was truly passionate about parenting in a way that worked for my children. So, I became a certified parent coach to help not only myself, but other parents who were struggling through a tough season in parenting just like me.
This podcast was created with the parent in mind. I am going to be covering the 3D Parent method and systems, so you can gain tangible tools to help you bring dignity, direction and deep connection to your family dynamic. My goal is to help you become the most confident parent you can be, and feel empowered in your parenting choices.
THINGS YOU WILL LEARN IN EP. 10: PARENT COACHING: FEARS AT BEDTIME
[1:01] I’d like to introduce my guest, Sara Dean. She is a mom, wife and creator and host of the Shameless Mom Academy Podcast. She lives with her husband Vince, her son Vinnie and their 14 year old dog. After their journey through infertility, they have dedicated their time together as a family to create memories and taking adventures together.
[4:34] Currently, Sara’s biggest challenge with her son is his fear around going to bed and waking up in the middle of the night due to fear. This fear seems to be primarily centered around a burglary. So they do their bedtime routine, but if they don’t stay in the room until he is completely asleep, he gets up and comes to find Sara and her husband.
[12:41] After some clarifying questions, it seems Vinnie is struggling with separation at bedtime and overnight. This fear and worry may be stemming from the buildup of emotions throughout the day, and at bedtime, just before the longest separation of the day, those emotions are all bubbling to the surface.
[14:57] The best way to address these emotions is to empathize and acknowledge his fears, and let him know he is not alone in this. So first, you normalize your child’s fears and let them know you are here to help them process those fears and you can help share some of those fears with your child.
[19:05] Then the next thing we need to do, and this is the most important part, is to provide some things to help your child bridge the separation time. So instead of focusing on leaving, point them toward the next point of connection.
[24:22] Keep in mind, as frustrating as it can get, providing reassurance is key. As long as your child knows you are there and coming back to check on them, that keeps the alarm at bay. When we as parents get frustrated and threaten to stop the reassurance, that only makes things worse.
[26:29] Another thing you can do during waking hours to alleviate some of the worry is to dedicate at least 15 minutes to uninterrupted play and connection, and really take the time to connect with your child.
[29:41] If the nighttime wakeups become very frequent, you could even consider making a small bed in your room for your child to use if they need to. This depends on your comfort level with that, but it does help ease their worry.
[33:22] One last thing you can do is simply explain the stress response to them. Sometimes explaining that our body is trying to protect us and keep us safe when it doesn’t need to, helps them process their fear and worry.
QUOTES FROM PARENT COACHING: FEARS AT BEDTIME
“I think that for a long time I thought that I would mourn things as he got older, especially because he's an only child. And what I found is that I keep getting this reinforcement that it just keeps getting better and that I don't need to mourn the past ... “
“It is important to kind of say, I can take this. I can help you. Oh yeah, worries are hard. I'm in this with you so that they kind of feel like this sense of security. Like I don't have to handle this all on my own.”
“[Beaven] Parenting is a big, humbling experience. [Sara] So this is the first thing I’ve done that I don’t always feel like I’m really good at.”
CONNECT WITH SARA:
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING …
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